RANDOM - A port of a game for that console you hate has been announced and loud people are salty about it

One inch peen gang.

By Randy Pitchfork
25/10/22

We are thrilled to exclusively reveal that “insert previously exclusive franchise here” is being ported to “that machine with branding you arbitrarily despise”, and as a result, people on the social medias are understandably infuriated. Case in point, why should fans of a game who can’t play it on their current platform of choice now suddenly be granted access just because the developers want more money and a wider audience?! Blasphemy, we decry!

Prolific online personality and well known philanthropist “BashingDemNorks” made a statement on Twitter early today, stating very clearly that “if new people are going to play the thing I like then nobody should be able to because I said so”. Wise words, I’m sure you’ll agree.

You might be wondering: when does this madness end? At what point do we draw a line in the sand and say “this far, and no further?!" Well, the answer to that is simple: the internet needs a digital purge. Also, let people play what they want, however they want, and stop being so pathetically entitled.