RANDOM - Nintendo announce 1/4 scale tyre pre-order bonus for Mario Kart: World
Treading on thin ice.
By Randy Pitchfork
07/04/24
All this talk of value proposition and scaled pricing has led us to ask some difficult questions. Are we really debating the right hot topics? Nintendo have decided that, much like with the Vitality Sensor and Tears of the Kingdom’s framerate, they clearly know best. So now the discourse can turn to what really matters: the Halfords exclusive 1/4 scale Tyre being rolled in with every copy of Mario Kart: World.
This is about immersion. This is about elevating experiences and justifying the price tag. What better way than to give people a spare wheel for their boots while taking their magnetic joy cons on the go? Doug Bowser, all mighty overlord at Nintendo HQ, commented on the announcement saying “people bought cardboard from us in the tens of thousands. We can do whatever the fuck we want”.
This is about as next gen as it gets. Yoshi eggs are embedded into the latticework of the tyre for extra sturdiness, it has a two year “no burst” guarantee, and for every pre-order sold, Nintendo will personally come round and fix all of your joy cons with stick drift. Good thing they’ve got a spare wheel in the trunk, because they’re certainly going to be racking up the mileage…
TARPS?
At the bottom of some of our articles, you’ll see a series of absurd looking images (with equally stupid, in joke laden names). These are the TARP badges, which represent our ‘Totally Accurate Rating Platform’. They allow us to identify specific things, recognise positive or negative aspects of a games design, and generally indulge our consistent silliness with some visual tomfoolery.
